Boundaries are hard to enforce when you know that if they are crossed and you must stand behind the consequences you put in place that very dangerous things can occur. But, with an addict, you must stand firm with the boundary or you are then an enabler. My son relapsed and after much soul searching, my husband and I decided that providing transportation and a job to someone who is actively using, is helping to support that habit. So, he was given a boundary that if he had a positive drug test, he would lose both of those things.
He was very angry at this information and that scared me, but I had to stick with it or this would not get better. I know I must stick with this, but, my fears can take me to some really awful places. I felt emotionally and physically ill. I live in a constant state of prayer...begging. I started to feel like I was in hell and so all alone. I was really understanding how Jesus said my God my God, why have thou forsaken me.
Then the phone rang and it was one of my fellow Al-anon members called to tell me that she just wanted to start building relationships with the members so she called to tell me that at work, she had established a boundary with a co-worker and had stuck with it. I said that is great. I had to establish a boundary with my son, at which point I burst into tears and told her all about our situation. She confided in me that she had to kick her son out as long as he was using and told me that what she did to cope was to imagine that she was picking him up and placing him in God's hands. That he was safe with God. She also told me that her son was doing great now. He is sober, working and had even received a promotion. I told her that I thought that God had told her to call me and I thanked her for saying yes to that.
I cannot tell you the relief that brought me. I decided later to call my son. He couldn't talk but he was different and told me that he had gone to a meeting last night and was going to one today and he'd call me later. Thanks be to God. I did not expect that. It was a gift. I know the battle is still long, but I am so thankful for the gift of the lady who called and my son's telling me he was trying again. It's so miraculous to me how God really communicates with us. I wonder why I don't have stronger faith. I am so thankful.
Today, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for those who say yes to God and reach out. I am thankful that my son is trying to keep up the fight. I am thankful for a most loving, present God who is taking care, great care, of my son and my family in such a very loving way. I pray for strength to continue to hold this boundary, healing for my son. And, I pray for Henry. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.