Coming Full Circle

I have five brothers and sisters.  And, I have twenty nieces and nephews.  And, fourteen great nieces and nephews.  We are a prolific bunch!  Yesterday I traveled an hour away to see my niece and her newest child, just five days old.  He was so tiny.  This is her fourth child and so I decided to take them dinner instead of a baby gift.  By the time you have four, two boys and two girls, you have it (baby clothes, furniture, tools)  all.  But, you don't have time. 

This niece is my oldest brother's daughter.  While growing up, he was my favorite.  He is seventeen years older than me and he took me everywhere.  He tried ( and failed) to get me into sports.  He read to me, turning me  into a voracious reader.  We lived in a tiny town in Kentucky.  There were no book stores for miles around.  But, we had a library and we lived in the country so  the bookmobile came around every two weeks.  My brother worked on the railroad so when he went to a town where there was a bookstore, he always brought me back books. 

He got married when I was in my early teens and when he and his wife had a baby, I loved hanging out at their house.  It went well for a while but then my sister-in-law's drinking became a wedge between her and every single area of her life.  It was ugly.  We became distant.  Everyone just wanted to steer clear of the insanity that is alcoholism.  I grew up, got married and moved away.  Then my own cloud of addiction entered the picture.  They say that if you don't deal with things in your life, God will continue to give you opportunities to learn from them and so I guess he did.

Yesterday was the first time that I've really talked to my niece.  Oh we've chatted, but yesterday we talked about what was/is real.  And it was such a blessing.  This little girl that I knew is now a grown woman carrying scars from addiction but surviving it.  She is a loving mother, good wife and so diligent in providing for her children, what she did not have.  I am so impressed.  But, I want her to learn to take care of herself and to model that for her children. 

I want to get to know her again.  I want to get to know the others.  Addiction is the big elephant in the family room of my big extended family.  If we all gathered at the same time, we could form our own Al Anon group and probably an AA group as well.  I just think it's time we started to talk to each other. 

In other news, it is the second day of lent and the time changes this weekend.  I can't believe it's spring forward time again.  It's been so  cold that it doesn't seem like it can be that time, already.  Weight Watchers was cancelled due to weather which bummed me out because tracking both food and weight really help me. 

Big Sister got an invitation to interview for a position in a PhD program in Louisiana.  We are going down next weekend for a tour and a day of events followed by her interview.  I think she was shocked by the invitation.  She only expected to be accepted into masters programs. 

The Son is working for his Dad until he gets a new job.  I have a lot of concerns about that.  I really want to be careful that we aren't enabling.  We did need an employee and he had just quit a job but it can be a slippery slope.  Praying you guys.

 

Lenten Practices

I met with my girls on Friday for lunch.  Sometimes I worry about them because so much emphasis has been put on their brothers addiction.  Now that he is in a better place, they are away at school.  But Friday was a day where I could look at just how great they really are. 

It is lent and as young adults they now have the freedom (or not) to practice the faith.  We had a nice lunch with the Dad and his assistant.  We had a great time.  We listened to all sorts of animated tales.  The oldest tried to help a friend who suffers from depression.  The friend wasn't ready to hear about it or to want help.  She was very distressed at how angry the friend was with her.  Later I said to her that perhaps forgiving and letting go of this friend until or unless she was ready would be a good Lenten exercise for her.

Quietly, she said she would think about it.  Then both girls excitedly told me how each day they would mention two things that they were grateful for and that they were praying for hateful people!!  I have to say that it really warmed my heart.  My young adult daughters had that childlike exuberance about their plan which came about when a friend cried because someone was so hateful to her.  So, they decided to pray for those who are hateful!!!  Pretty mature.....don't ya think?  Wouldn't it be great if world leaders and politicians felt this way? 

Today I am thankful for my girls.  I am thankful that they fight for right over wrong and are willing to consider doing the hard things.  I am thankful for my Lenten journey and I pray for Henry.

Longing for Lent

Lent is a forty day period (minus Sundays) from Ash Wednesday until Easter.  I used to dread the thought of Lent.  I hated giving up meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays.  I hated coming up with something to give up.  I felt like bad things came during this time.  Easter would magically make things better.

Now, I have a whole new view of Lent.  I actually have a little longing for it to arrive.  It's like needing to clean out that closet that is crammed with all sorts of stuff and ready to overflow.  You can't really organize your house because there is no room to put things away.  You can't even remember what you've stashed in that closet. 

When you live with an addict, you learn that you only have control over your own actions.  You need to understand why you act the way you do.  What motivates that action?  Have I made an inventory of my sins/shortcomings?  Have I been willing to make the necessary changes?  Have I tried to make amends for them? 

To me, doing these things, feels a lot like lent.  AA and Al Anon teach us to make these steps a matter of practice.  The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius also recommend a daily (twice) examen.  It becomes a matter of practice.  It feels better after you've "cleaned up" the messes of your life.  Doing this daily, is like balancing the checkbook on time. 

I think this is why I long for Lent.  I get this extra time to really examine myself.  I get extra time to strip away distractions.  I get extra time with God.  This desert is a place to be alone and contemplate.  I look forward to this season.  It's the only way to really clean house. 

Today I pray for a fruitful lent for all of you.  I pray for the addict/alcoholics of our lives.  I pray that we all begin to long for the joy of removing all our barriers to Christ.  And, I pray for Henry.