Sunday, December 16, 2012

Hell on Earth

The terrible news coming out of Connecticut is terribly mind boggling.  It is impossible for anyone to understand why a person would ever consider harming such a young child.  It is an unfathomable act.  Insanity is not something easily made sense of. 

Another minor story that I heard on the news is the one about Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's insane notion of fashion.  This backpack is made from alligator skin and many animal rights folks are not happy.  But, look closer;  it is adorned with prescription pill "ornaments".  And, it's cost is $55,000. 

Am I the only person that finds this not only offensive but threatening?  Why should anyone endorse this as fashion?  To all those kids who might somehow see these girls as role models, what does this bag say to them about prescription drug abuse or misuse? 

Is this another way that someone has decided to attack our kids?  I'm beginning to feel as if we are living in hell on this earth.  How can we, as parents or just a concerned person, stand up against something like this?  For me, I can only point it out to others.  I can call it what it is.  This is an attack, maybe not the quick pointed attack that occurred in Connecticut but the slow subtle sort of thing that after a while begins to take away the shock until it becomes accepted.  Glamorizing something that kills and destroys families is not okay, ever. 

Son leaves the 12 step retreat on Christmas Eve and moves into a recovery house.  He has requested the Dad to pick him up.  I am very pleased.  This is healing.  I'm sure that fear will try to sneak up on us from time to time.  I heard a quote and I don't remember who said it or the exact words but basically said that if you have fear you have no room for faith and if you have faith there is no room for fear. 

Today I am thankful for this new place in life.  I am thankful that our home sold, we're all moved in to a new apartment, son has completed a program and is moving into a recovery house, the girls are doing really well and that we are turning our lives into a new direction.  I pray for all of those suffering in Connecticut, including the shooter's family.  I pray for those suffering from the disease of addiction and any mental illness.  And, I say a prayer for Henry.


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

And the Weather Outside is Frightful....

     I am a world away from my life, at present.  I am in not so sunny southern California while my husband attends his annual continuing education conference.  We left the day after emptying the contents of the home that we raised our children in.  The corrupted home where my son began and continued to use drugs under my very nose.  The home where on October 19th, I left with him in tow to detox in a psychiatric hospital before entering a 12 step immersion retreat, telling him, "you will never come back to this house again," as if the home itself was a cause of this problem.  And, while I know that it is not, I do feel that that house is an ugly reminder of many things gone wrong.  I do know that I would always worry that it would be a trigger for him.

     Not only am I a world away from the life I knew physically, but emotionally and mentally.  The move is a physical change that comes about to mark a lot of interior change happening in the heart and mind of this family.  This trip was one for peace in mind and heart.  It is a trip to begin a practice of letting go of everything to the wisdom and guidance of my heavenly Father.  It is a relief, in fact to have traveled to this place.

    While I have made many steps in the right direction, I have many more to go.  My son's time at this program is creeping ever closer to a close where he will embark on the next, not so safe step, in his recovery.  He will enter a recovery house as soon as he leaves that program.  So, letting go will be tested again very soon.  This has entered the minds of both me and his dad as the dad woke very early this morning to a nightmare of the son coming home high. 

     There is a lot of work to do to travel to the place of "holy indifference".  But, it is the destination.  Today, I am thankful for the sale of our home.  I am thankful that the move is complete.  I am thankful for recovery for our son.  I am thankful for a simpler lifestyle.  I pray for continued recovery for all of our addicted loved ones and as always, I say a prayer for the soul of Henry.