Thursday, October 21, 2010


I am in the situation that can be so painful and frightening that it leaves me unsure of what my prayers should be.  God gives us all free will.  Can I pray for my son to want to go into treatment?  Can I pray for my son to not want to do bad or illegal things to support his habit?  Can I pray for my son to want to get better?  Do I only pray for God's will and the courage to follow that?  Can I pray for my desires?  Jesus asked for this cup to pass from Him but also said not my will but thine.  I guess this will be my prayer.

In one of my very confused fearful wakings, it came to me that I needed to treat this like Lamaze.  Lamaze is a way of having something to focus on and and a way to  breathe in order to relax during the very painful labor and delivery during childbirth.  I decided that my focal point would God's miracles.  This is an effort to increase my faith.  So, when I have a specifically panicky moment, I think, God had Moses part the sea....can you imagine the sea and the strength it has just parting for the Israelites to escape exile?  I imagine Jesus waking the dead?  I imagine two fish and two loaves of bread feeding that huge crowd.  I imagine water becoming wine.  I imagine myself walking on the water of this turbulent storm.  I imagine possibilities.  I imagine miracles.  I hope for miracles.  I hope.  

Now, I am still a nervous and frightened gal.  But, when the grip of fear starts to tighten it's noose around my breath, I go back to what God  can do.  Instead of fears, I see possibilities.  Instead of shutting down, I keep moving.  Instead of lack of direction, I find my way. 

I can only hope that after this long frightening laboriously difficult experience, there will be a new birth.  I hope that my first born will experience new life.  Life filled with faith and family and growth and service to others.  So, today, that is my prayer.  Please guide us through this process.  Please part the seas of addiction so that my son might escape.  Please heal his mind.  Please help him to walk one step at a time into a new life.  Please give us both the courage to not look down.  Please help all those affected with the disease of addiction.  Thank you for holding us close.  And, I pray for the soul of Henry.  In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen