Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Still In a Mess but Not Too Stressed

Do you ever drive by those churches and read the signs that they post outside.  I just love reading those.  They are usually a little goofy, sometimes clever, sometimes they use poor grammar.  I don't know why I find those so interesting.  I've been driving by this church which is being  remodeled, it has had this slogan up for a few days, "still in a mess but not too stressed."  It occurred to me that perhaps that is my life right now.  As God has begun to prune my life, there is a remodel going on.  Remodels are never fun.  They usually require tearing out of the old (ouch), sometimes a demo, then building to fit an existing, not always square structure.  When I have any work done at my previous house, I am usually making apologies for the previous carpenter.  They always complain about the shotty work done before that they are now having to correct. 

Our family is in a remodel.  The old ways are being torn out leaving in their wake the dust and debris that bad habits leave.  We are all fussing about how bad  the job done before was.  It is a painful venture.  It is scary because who knows how the final project will turn out.  We are still in a mess,  but sometimes, we're still very stressed. 

Tonight is supposed to be our last family night at intensive outpatient.  I was really looking forward to it.  We were supposed to reveal to our son out requests, appreciations and regrets and he was to do the same for us.  Our family was to receive our coin for completing family therapy.  I find such peace in that group.  But, it is not to be.  Our son is so anxious at the idea of doing this in front of the group, that he refuses to go and doesn't feel prepared.  Since it's all about me, my first reaction was panic that he might be thinking of relapsing.  Now I mourn the loss of that time with those people and the loss of completing a very hard emotional program.  Shame on me.  I backed off and told my son, to do this on his time instead of mine.  

I am going home for the night.  A long day at the job site.  There is still no order to the mess.  I wanted just one section completed.  I guess it will be when it will be.  Oh my these slogans are hard to swallow.  My prayer for today is for patience for me, comfort and strength for my son and again, for Henry

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