In the beginning of this recovery process, I had the false, foolish notion that we would send our son off to rehab and Voila! our old, unscathed son would come home and all would be well in our world again. "If it seems too good to be true...it probably is." I'm learning so much about life through this difficult journey we're on. Addiction is a FAMILY disease. So, if the addict seeks treatment, then, the family needs to seek treatment. If he changes and we stay the same, what will happen? Change is so hard. I think I've mentioned that a time or two...
I don't think that I can say enough about Al-anon or the 12 step program. It has been such a miracle in our lives. I encourage anyone to study those steps. I think anyone could apply them to a variety of situations they might find themselves in. For example, Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless of alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable. Now, substitute the word alcohol for....cancer, ailing health in your parents, learning disabilities, effects of a bad economy, actions of others.....the list could go on and on. Step2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In our world today, we are quick to assume that if we have a problem, we can fix it. We are in the richest country in the world. We have amazing doctors and hospitals. We are for the most part, a well educated society. So, why is it that we go to all of these resources before we give it to God?
This isn't going to be fixed in a day, week, month or even year. This is a problem we will face one day at a time. We will face it for a long time. The lesson that I am trying to glean from all of this is that all of life, needs to be lived moment by moment instead of worrying so much about how things will turn out. It's out of my control. It's out of your control. It belongs to God. I belong to God. My son belongs to God.
So, today, my son looked good and sounded good. But, he has told us that he mourns the fact that he can't drink anymore and that maybe one day he can drink in moderation. I admit that I haven't mastered taking all of this advice I try to give, so I worry, but, I don't panic. No, I am punting this right up to my higher power. I am appreciating how good he looks and sounds and the fact that he goes to meetings everyday and is 60 days sober today!!!!!! If I worry about what he might do tomorrow, I will miss the celebration of this day.
Today I pray for all of you who are powerless of alcohol, drugs, disease, financial problems, or worries of any kind. I pray that you will have the strength to give it to your higher power. I am thankful for all the gifts of this day. I am thankful for Al-anon, all those families who have come before and support those like me who are new to this new way of life, and to those of you who are willing to listen to my ramblings. And, as always I pray for Henry.