Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Divorce is to Death as Addiction is to Cancer....

The Dad and I went to counseling today.  Our obvious topic was our son.  We discussed exactly what it was that was so hard.  For me, I have tremendous guilt that I didn't make my son unconditionally I loved him.  The Dad tends to follow the "we didn't cause it" path.

It also occurred to me that unlike cancer or any other disease, my son has all the power to choose health.  It's a little like divorce instead of death;  instead of dealing with the problems the couple chooses to part.  In dying, the couple has no choice.

 It's really irrelevant at this point.  Now is all that I have, today.  So, I've decided to focus on now.  I'm starting with goals.  I'm gonna work on my health by choosing to eat differently.  I'm gonna get fit by choosing to exercise.  I'm gonna try to find peace by choosing to implement a daily rosary into my schedule.

So today my prayer is one of thanksgiving for the opportunity to have counseling.  It is the one place where I am heard objectively.  I am thankful for all of the folks who have chosen to say a prayer for my family.  I pray for my son to be able to hear the voice of God.  And, I say a pray for Henry and all others who lost their fight with addiction.


Dad and Mom said...


I once believed as you. Addiction is not like cancer or another disease, the cure is to simply stop using drugs. A logical conclusion to this belief is that addiction is a weakness of character rather than a true disease. It literally took me 5 years to understand and it took a lot of study and shifting of my own personal paradigm.

There is a physiological component to the disease of addiction just as there is with other diseases like cancer, diabetes or heart disease. Treatments for different disease involve varied methods. once a person is addicted their treatment is just as regimented and critical as anyone getting treated for cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

I ask you to think differently on one thing, "my son has all the power to choose health." Your son has all the power to choose treatment. And just like with other diseases there is no guarantee any treatment is successful.

Please for your own peace recognize at some point that addiction is not something that your son now just chooses to do as you can choose to eat differently, exercise or pray.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Dad and Mom,

I must not have been clear. I was trying to say that to me, addiction is to cancer like divorce is to death. I understand that addiction has a physiological component to it. My point was that a person can choose divorce and they can initially choose to use drugs but death and cancer are not an option. Some people say that going thru a divorce is more difficult than a death because it was a choice. In ways, for me, addiction is harder than any other disease because he initally used drugs knowing that this could have been his outcome.

Dad and Mom said...

I have changed my thinking around all of those diseases and death. Even in death many people have a choice, especially young people.

Many young people make an error in judgement and pay with their life. So many young people in our community die in accidents, racing, bumper tag, drinking and driving. There is no realization of the possible tragic consequences. Just as when our son's made that first choice to try drugs. Yes, they knew the warnings. Just as I knew the warnings when I was young and dumb, drove fast, raced, took chances in things that were just stupid on my motorcycle. Did I cheat death or was I lucky? I had friends when I was a teenager that used drugs and never became addicts. Just am I am sure there are young people that use pot and some other drugs and never drop to the lowest point to become an addicted wreck.

There are diseases we all contribute to even though we know better. Heart disease runs in my family but I just finished a big steak for dinner. My brother who is 4 years younger has already had 2 heart attacks and a quad and quint bypass surgury. What am I doing, poor judgement? maybe?

My point is we deal with what is, not what ought to be. They ought not have done this but.....