Friday, May 25, 2012

Sadness with Hope

There is great sadness in my heart.  A boundary had been crossed.  Another time of giving my son to God.  But, knowing this time, that he really can't ever come home again and maintain sobriety.  It is time.  He is old enough.  But, it didn't happen in the natural order. 

It took almost $40.00 dollars worth of quarters to wash any shred of addiction from our laundry.  Bags and bags of trash are gone.  I want no reminders.  I've boxed up his things.  I must not have a shrine to what could have been.

And, now it is an abandonment to the Divine.  It is a time of fearing that like Mary, I too will have to watch my son go through the agony of suffering and death.  I'm still begging God.  And so far he has sent angels with healing words. 

One told me that in accepting that even if my child dies from this disease, God still has hold of him, still loves him and he was never really alone.  She also said that anything short of death means that there is still hope.  And, that we have to let go to receive what we need.  Healing balm.....

Today I am thankful for the love and kindness of you my blogging angels.  I am thankful for friends who allow me to drop in no matter what time.  I am thankful for a loving God and the prayers of others.  I firmly believe that it is through prayer that he has a chance to heal.  I pray for mercy for my boy.  I pray for healing and help from his guardian angel.  I pray for all of the sons and daughters who fight this disease and I say a prayer for my grandfather, Henry, who died with the bottle next to his chair.


beachteacher said...

oh Hattie. I'm putting your boy at the top of my God box list. And I'm praying for the peace of God in your heart. Please keep us updated.

Annette said...

Oh Hattie, such tough times. But you are not alone and neither is your boy. God see's us all and knows our hearts. Keep trusting my friend.