Monday, May 21, 2012

It Starts With A Feeling.







It starts with a feeling.  Something is just not quite right.  My body notices it first but the busy mind lags behind.  Then a swell of dread seems to rise up from the depths of my core, until I am forced to acknowledge old behaviors that I want nothing to do with.

I had three c-sections in 3 1/2 years and the healing of my abdomen seemed easier each time.  I mentioned this to my OB-GYN and he agreed that yes, scar tissue heals faster.  I guess that is why even though the dread and fatigue that creeps up doesn't send me to the fetal position, this time. 

It's time to deal with it.  Firmly and swiftly without panic and while continuing to try to live in the midst of it all.  It's what "we" do.  We do it because we've learned to let God direct this scary step in the lesson to be learned.  We've learned it's just too big.  We've learned that instead of living with dread we must turn and walk to the edge of the cliff and simply ............let go.

Today I am grateful for the fact that God is in control.  I am grateful for the courage He gives me.  I pray that God will heal our sons and daughters, husbands and wives, families and friends by freeing them from the chains of addiction.  And, I say a prayer for Henry.

6 comments:

beachteacher said...

I pray that God will free them too,...so much. I am sad and scared tonight...and need the peace that God can give me. Thank you for this post.

Lou said...

The hardest place for me to reach was this: it's better for all involved to not have to watch "the signs" lead to their inevitable conclusion.

They really will/can figure it out for themselves. My life has greatly improved since I let my son do that somewhere other than our home.

Tough, tough decisions..but the responsibility has to be on them.

Thinking of you today...

Annette said...

((HUG)) no words, except I am glad you are here with all of us.

Terri said...

That describes exactly how I was feeling last week! Thank you so much for posting this. Prayers to you.

a.wildflower said...

Sometimes all we can do is just turn it over to God and take a step of faith. So much easier said than done.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Thanks everyone....taking it minute by minute...I know he needs to go. It's just hard to stop old habits.