It starts with a feeling. Something is just not quite right. My body notices it first but the busy mind lags behind. Then a swell of dread seems to rise up from the depths of my core, until I am forced to acknowledge old behaviors that I want nothing to do with.
I had three c-sections in 3 1/2 years and the healing of my abdomen seemed easier each time. I mentioned this to my OB-GYN and he agreed that yes, scar tissue heals faster. I guess that is why even though the dread and fatigue that creeps up doesn't send me to the fetal position, this time.
It's time to deal with it. Firmly and swiftly without panic and while continuing to try to live in the midst of it all. It's what "we" do. We do it because we've learned to let God direct this scary step in the lesson to be learned. We've learned it's just too big. We've learned that instead of living with dread we must turn and walk to the edge of the cliff and simply ............let go.
Today I am grateful for the fact that God is in control. I am grateful for the courage He gives me. I pray that God will heal our sons and daughters, husbands and wives, families and friends by freeing them from the chains of addiction. And, I say a prayer for Henry.