Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It feels really weird to not know where one of your children are or how they are doing.  It feels counter intuitive to refuse them food and shelter.  It seems as if I'm living a "Sophie's Choice" kind of existence where all choices are devastating ones. 

Our family has had a lot of ups and downs.  We have so much to recover from.  It is a lonely place to be.  My parents have been gone for quite a while now.  I have brothers and sisters but they don't live in the same town.  I have friends but after a few ups and downs I hate to keep dragging them into the drama that is my life.  Even I'm tired of hearing about it.  My girls don't need the stress. 

So, I come to you guys.  You keep me from facing this hell alone and I am grateful.  You allow me, without judgement to vent or cry, complain or whine and give me words filled with encouragement and most importantly........I trust you.

You have no hidden agendas.  You aren't out to spread gossip.  You just care support and pray.  What a wonderful gift you all are.  In the beginning, it amazed me what a holy group that you all are.  Now, I come to expect it from those who have traveled the hard road.

You've taught me about gratitude lists, God boxes, the serious power of prayer, loving enough to do the unthinkable and you stand by those who travel this journey with you. 

If I could box you up and take you to church or to an awards banquet I would say, "look this is the perfect example.....their children are addicts or alcoholics, they have been to rehab, lived on the streets, jail or prison or both,  they don't fit into any educational or socio-economic box, they are of various religions or they only work the 12 steps but they know how to love, I mean love like Jesus teaches, more than any others out there.  They have been tested and retested.  They get it.  I hate being a part of your group and I love being a part of your group.

Today I am thankful for the support that I would not have without you.  I pray for the healing of my son and I pray that he allows God to help him heal.  I pray for all the sons and daughters out there on such a dangerous path.  And I say a prayer for Henry.


Dad and Mom said...

I also found the most support help group is this online community of parents.

Annette said...

Oh Hattie, I hear you! I have used that very term....."Sophie's Choice" to describe the difficult choices we have had to make along the way. Its truly awful.

I do think parents and people in general who have *suffered* loss or fear or humiliation or a myriad of other things that go along with this journey, truly have had the facades, the pride, the false heirs...stripped away and you are left with the bare person who knows that they can't do this alone. They need a power greater than themselves and they can feel your pain, share in your burdens because they have lived those same things.
I've been thinking about you a lot. Please...you have my number, call or text anytime if you would like.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Sorry, I deleted my other comment because I was trying to use my wordpress ID but it's not working.
Soo...my 5th attempt to leave a comment saying:

I'm thinking of your son and your family all the time. Please let us know if you hear something.

beachteacher said...

Thinking of you too,...& continuing to pray for your son. I agree, I hated being part of this group,...but you all saved me as I've gone through this journey. I too am so thankful for that.
Peace to your heart and mind Hattie.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Thank you all so much. It means more than you will ever know.

lulu said...

I love how you put into words some of the exact feelings that I have. I do not blog but I read and gain strength and hope from some writings. I feel like I, too, am a part of a strong group. A group that understands my deepest fears . Thank you I also pray for our young adults. I know God hears my prayers.