I always have this dream of order in my life. It is a goal that always eludes me. I think this notion becomes important to me in the winter. I am not sure why. I guess it's the fresh start idea that has become ingrained in me even though I don't really take it too seriously.
Today I go to the doctor, again. I am a diabetic with high blood pressure who has had bouts of racing heart with nausea. It is a random thing that scares me when it's happening and makes me question if it's my imagination when it's not.
These kind of things cause me to pause over what is most important in my life. We're selling our home and downsizing. We've been on the market for almost a year. It feels like living in purgatory and wanting to get the hell out. I'm weary of showing the house and looking online at possible replacements. I'm sick of getting my hopes up.
I want to be in a fresh new smaller home. I want to sit on a beautiful warm beach and feel the sun kiss my skin. Sometimes the journey becomes tiring. I think that time and experience are so important to a family. That's what I want this year. Simpler, smaller, less stuff more experiences.
These ramblings help me to sort out my feelings. I will continue this journey of prayer for all of our loved ones and always remember to throw in a prayer for Henry.