Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Battle Fatigue

I love watching the daylight increase during these cold frigid months.  It gives me hope.  I am a warm weather girl.  Lucy (our doxie) has noticed, as well, as she begins training me to let her out at will.

 I always have this dream of order in my life.  It is a goal that always eludes me.  I think this notion becomes important to me in the winter.  I am not sure why.  I guess it's the fresh start idea that has become ingrained in me even though  I don't really take it too seriously.

Today I go to the doctor, again.  I am a diabetic with high blood pressure who has had bouts of racing heart with nausea.  It is a random thing that scares me when it's happening and makes me question if it's my imagination when it's not. 

These kind of things cause me to pause over what is most important in my life.  We're selling our home and downsizing.  We've been on the market for almost a year.  It feels like living in purgatory and wanting to get the hell out.  I'm weary of showing the house and looking online at possible replacements.  I'm sick of getting my hopes up. 

I want to be in a fresh new smaller home.  I want to sit on a beautiful warm beach and feel the sun kiss my skin.  Sometimes the journey becomes tiring.  I think that time and experience are so important to a family.  That's what I want this year.  Simpler, smaller, less stuff more experiences. 

These ramblings help me to sort out my feelings.  I will continue this journey of prayer for all of our loved ones and always remember to throw in a prayer for Henry.

1 comment:

Lou said...

Oh, Hattie! You are feeling unsettled, it's winter, and you have too much stuff! I would feel the same if I were in "flux." I remember when we (I!) had to show our house for six months. I never knew when the realtor would call. Then I had to leave because I could not believe what people said about the house right in front of me!

Hang in there, and think spring.. many people are house hunting at that time;)

PS Try the old Alanon stand by-a gratitude list.