Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Today is 18 days before Christmas. In ways, I still feel like a little girl. I remember waiting for Christmas and hoping that the gifts all wrapped up would be the things that I had dreamed about. I couldn't wait to open them up. I would sit under the tree and size them up one by one, shaking them, trying to decide what they might be. I would daydream about what I would do with each particular gift. I never was very good at being patient. As one Dominican priest once told me, then God will give you more opportunities to practice patience!!
I've often wondered how Mary felt just before Jesus was born. When I was expecting my son, my first born, I grew very impatient. I felt so large. I was so tired. I tried exercise. I tried walking. I tried gardening, but instead of labor pains, I just got a sore back and sore muscles. I bet Mary was a lot more spiritually mature than I will ever be. I think I should just follow her lead and trust more.
All that I want for Christmas, is for my son to go to rehab. I want him to return to God and to our family. I want him to return to God but I worry that it will take rehab and some degree of sobriety for him to get there, maybe not. God can do anything.As you can see, I'm still rattling the packages. Trying to figure out something that is not my business. I am trying to decide what God will put in my Christmas package. Will he go to treatment? Will this take far longer? I don't know why I can't just trust a little more.
I guess the best thing to do is to pray more each day. I will pray for the desires of my heart and the patience and trust for God to help me along my path to Bethlehem. Today, I also pray for all those who are sick and suffering. I pray for my son to feel the love of God and find his way back to him. I pray for Henry and those like Henry. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.