Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Learning to Love

I've considered writing a book for sometime.  It may just be one for my family, but maybe not, we'll see.  When I first began, I wrote snippets like I do here and struggled with how to organize them.  My good friend kept pushing me to get organzied and outline, first.

I first had to come up with a thesis statement. That was a very difficult task.  I want to write about how addiction has changed me.  I want to write about what I've learned about my own life because I've had to face the addiction of an adult child.  That is no easy feat.  How do you boil down all of the things I'm learning into one bold statement?

For a long time, I thought that my story was about the lessons learned in accepting the cross.  But, with further reflection, I have discovered that the lessons I've learned in accepting the cross are not about totally different things;  they are all about love.  Accepting the cross teaches me to love.  There it is, plain and simple.

I've been doing catechetical training.  I hope to use it with prison ministry someday.  I had to miss one session to take my son to detox, so I sent an email to Sister Mary Michael and  I told her what was going on.  When I went to the next session, she came over to check on me.

I started telling her a little about things that have gone on.  I told her how blessed I felt in the midst of this hardship.  She began to smile and turned her head to look at me very directly with a piercing stare and she said, "at some point in your life, you wanted to be very close to our Lord."

Wow!  I didn't see that coming.  But, she's right, I do.  It's hard to accept the difficult path, but it is truly the only way to get to the better place.  I had to give my son up to hopefully get him back one day.  I have to give up my will to get a better future.  I have to give up my fear and learn to trust.

We talked to our son this weekend.  It is a little awkward.  I asked my husband what he thought and he said, "I don't even know who he is, he's so clear."  We will try our best to give up expectations and just trust God with this process.

Today, I am thankful for this step.  I am thankful for my girls and how incredibly hard they work.  I am hopeful that from this difficult experience they will learn to lean on our Lord for everything.  I'm thankful that I won't have to watch one more political ad!  I'm thankful that our home closing is just 8 days away.  I pray for those still out there trapped in the clutches of addiction.  I pray for God's grace in helping them to reach for recovery and I say a prayer for Henry.


1 comment:

Annette said...

I have a book I think you would really enjoy. Can you email me privately and send me your address so I can send it to you. It is called Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard if you want to look it up. I have multiple copies because I love it and give it away often. Your post here today made me think of the journey we all are on to get to the high places with our Good Shepherd.