Friday, June 3, 2011

Closet Cleaning

When you learn of a loved one's addiction, and you are able to get them help, you feel as though you've done all of the hard work.  And, while the immediate danger has been addressed, there is a myriad of reasons why you have arrived at this place and why you are living in this place.

 For me, this is like closet cleaning.  If my house is ever to get in any sort of order, my closets need to be cleaned.  This is so that things have a place to be put away, thus giving my house less clutter.  So, now that we've addressed (finally) the disease of addiction, we must deal with the environment in which it grew and was sustained.

We are pulling all of those toxic behaviors and lifestyles out of the closet, sorting them from the good habits that we'd like to keep and put neatly back in the closet.  But, the house is a mess, until the sorting and rearranging are complete.

My son....oh my son....I am so proud of him.  He is working so hard at this job/apprenticeship.  He loves it.  He feels worthy and needed.  We need to hang on to those things.  He is beginning to feel pride in himself again.  We must keep that.  He is starting to want to visit with extended family now that he has something to share with them.  That is a valuable treasure to keep.  These things make him want to keep getting up, on his own, at 3:30am to get ready for this job.  I think this new sense of responsibility makes him feel better each day about the man he is becoming.

Now, we must rid the closet of the rubbish.  Half of that task is figuring out what is trash vs what is treasure.  When I am literally cleaning a closet I have a rule of thumb; if I haven't used it in 1-2 yrs it goes.  So, a rule of thumb for this closet has to be; does it help bring my family member to the will of God?  If not, it goes.  Pride was the first thing to go.  Viewing life from the vantage point of the world...must go.  Love....really loving on every level must stay and be fostered.  Status...get out!! 

My house is a mess as we go through this difficult process; but I think it is progress.  Right now, I feel like I suffer from battle fatigue.  I am so tired.  I know things are getting better but I just dream about a little instant relief.  It doesn't work that way though. 

When I look back on what I just wrote, I feel guilt.  One year ago today, my life was spiraling out of control.  So, I will hold that picture in my mind.  Today I am thankful for my son's new found hope.  I am thankful that we are almost a year into cleaning things up.  I pray for strength and perseverance for this journey.  I pray for all of you who are traveling this journey alongside me.  And, I pray for the soul of Henry. 


mommashappy said...

Hattie, I just want to thank you for sharing your journey. Your words have helped me so much. The Lord blessed me when He helped me find your blog.


Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

You're welcome. It is such therapy for me. I appreciate the ones who are brave enough to read. It isn't an easy subject and not a very popular one; but a very necessary one. Your kind comments help me to feel the need to continue.