When I was pregnant with my son, I had a number of ultrasound exams. They measured the circumference of his head and the length of his femur to determine the due date. His measurements were inconsistent. I was given a due date of May 1st and then I was given May 30th. I was so determined to know when this would all occur that I asked God for a sign. I had one of those devotional books where each day had a reading and a story. I read each day from May 1st to May 31st hoping to see my sign. On May 14th, it was mother's day and the story had something to do with the blessing of being a mother. I skipped right over that day and paid no attention to it. I could not find my sign. My son was born on mother's day. I'm sure God had a little chuckle.
Now I wait on my son for another reason. I wait for him "to find in the power of our saving God strength for a radical life change." (Pope Benedict's prayer intention for November) I wait for him to return to God first. I wait for him to seek treatment and I wait for him to return to his family last. I have found myself growing impatient from time to time. I don't find myself panicking. I do feel calm. I do feel peace. I must remain patient. I must remind myself that if things go too fast, then both my family and my son may not get some great lessons that God has planned for us all.
Today my devotional books are called, In Conversation with God,by Francis Fernandez. Today's reading reminds me that, "we lose our peace through sin, through pride and by not being sincere with ourselves and with God. Peace can also be lost through impatience; when we are unable to see the providential hand of God in times of difficulty and contradiction. Today, I am paying attention. I am listening. I am willing to wait. I am reminded of Romans 8:28; that in everything God works for good for those who love him. I am even hopeful. This is advent. I feel it heart and soul.
My son e-mailed me today. He wanted me to mail him a coat. I decided not to respond. I decided that most adults, who had chosen to cut them selves off from their families would take what they needed when they left. He has chosen this path. He was told the consequences of this choice. I will not take that away from him. I have the strength and confidence to do this....thanks be to God. He is the only reason for this gift of peace.
So, I will wait for the fullness of time to arrive. I will marvel at the number of people who are helping to carry us along this journey. They are checking on us. They are praying and praying and praying. The gifts just keep coming. We are so lucky.
I am so thankful for this peace. I am thankful for my friends and my family. They are so good to us. I pray for all of you who pray for us. I pray for those who face addiction. I pray for my son to learn every lesson that God has for him. And, as always, a prayer for Henry. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.