Friday, June 22, 2012

Today's Parable


I

Ever mindful of my life and the lessons before me, I pray that I don't miss the opportunity to learn in the way that Jesus taught us....through the parables in our everyday lives which serve to teach and remind us of who and what we are and what we are called to do.

I sat a lone in my hot attic on this 92 degree day with sweat pouring down the center of my back.  Nineteen years of memories are held here.  I am emptying it in a leap of faith that if I begin the process of moving, the buyers will come.

As I empty the contents, I am thinking of how overwhelming this task will be.  I come up with the plan to :

1.  Get rid of the garbage
2.  Sell that which could be of use to others
3.  Keep what is still of use or a memento

I sit here in the floor looking at the girls American Girl dolls, favorite DVDs, books but not my sons camera, X-Box, computer or guitar because they were sold for drugs.  Downstairs (in the garage below) I hear my daughter sorting the garage sale items, jamming to one of my I tunes;  a favorite from when I was just a young girl...






"Got on board a westbound 747
Didn't think before deciding what to do
Ooh, that talk of opportunities
TV breaks and movies
Rang true
Sure rang true

Seems it never rains in southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
It never rains in California
But girl don't they warn ya
It pours, man it pours

Out of work, I'm out of my head
Out of self respect, I'm out of bread
I'm underloved, I'm underfed, I wanna go home
It never rains in California
But girl don't they warn ya
It pours, man it pours"
And then I see this cross pendant laying on the floor right next to what looks like a "straw" used for snorting drugs...

Will you tell the folks back home I nearly made it
Had offers but didn't know which one to take
Please don't tell 'em how you found me
Don't tell 'em how you found me
Gimme a break, give me a break
Seems it never rains in southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
It never rains in California
But girl don't they warn ya
It pours, man it pours"
I think to myself, I could take every last item to the dumpster and never look back.  I think I will mourn, again and again.  Until I can relax and surrender what is not to be, what never was, what the road ahead will not include. 
But, today I will throw away the trash both in this attic and in my life.  I will not hold onto what only gathers dust and begins to decay.  I will only take with me, what is of use.
When I look back on the empty space left behind, I will see that cross and that straw and know that I will choose to throw away the straw and hold onto the hope of that cross.  I will not let fear cause me to be too afraid to let go of what might be by refusing to see what is and just deal with it.  In place of the chaos that was my life, I see an openness to what might be.
Realizing how little control I have I will toss pride on the top of the garbage heap along with old expectations and open my eyes and ears to what should be and learn with God's grace, to be grateful.
Today, I feel blessed to have an empty clean attic.  I am thankful for the courage to let go....to so much.  I pray for my son and yours to learn the lessons that God has in store for him/her today and I say a prayer for Henry.





5 comments:

Summer said...

Just found your blog...you are a lovely writer. I really admire how you are handling your son's addiction. Your courage is an inspiration!

Summer

Annette said...

Good for you. Some good determination there. I need to hoe out and get rid of also. Such a huge overwhelming job...figuratively and realistically.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Thanks so much Summer...writing it down helps to sort out my feelings...

Annette, it feels so good to get rid of it...it is what I'd do with addiction, if only I could. I know you understand that.

Meth Addiction-A Mothers Perspective said...

Very well written. You give me hope that someday I will be able to reach the level of acceptance that you have. I'm working on it one day, one hour, one heartbeat at a time. I know that accepting the reality of my son's addiction and the consequences that have followed will not only help me, but my son as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

luluberoo said...

One time a long lost relative came to visit. Andrew wasn't living at home. After getting settled in, she approached me with a quizzical look. She had a syringe in her hand; she had found it under a seat cushion that fell off when she put her suitcase on the chair.

Sigh-the reminders show up..will show up for years to come, perhaps not in a physical form but certainly in an emotional form.

We've learned to accept the things we cannot change! Great post.