Tuesday, June 19, 2012

My New Normal

I met with some friends over the weekend, from high school.  We are planning our 30th high school reunion.  What is it about 30 yrs that seems so old?  They began asking me how my kids are and what they are up to and what I've been up to.......I never know how much to say or where to go with that question.

Today I went to the pool.  I was enjoying the sunshine reading Melody Beattie's newest book, Playing it by Heart.   When I got in the pool to cool off, I ran into a mom that I hadn't seen since my son was in about the fourth or fifth grade.  Her youngest son was in his class.  She too, asked about my kids.  I learned that her youngest just graduated college and is about to start his masters degree. 

She asked what I was up to and I said, "just reading and enjoying the sunshine."  She asked what I was reading and I said , "oh, Melody Beattie's newest book."  She said she didn't know who she was but her friend did.  I finally said, " she writes about addiction and codependency."  This is where there is the awkward silence until she masterfully changes topics. 

I used to have such a heavy heart when these situations arose.  Now, I really don't but I do hate it when others feel awkward and I don't know how much to really get into.  It's just hard to know how to proceed. 

Just how much to do you tell?  How far do you go?  I know it depends on the situation but sometimes, like at the pool, I get into it without meaning to.  This life is my new normal.  But, for others it is not. 

I really like the new book, by the way.  I got a call from my son who pleasantly surprised me by telling me that he had met up with a friend from rehab and had gone to an AA meeting.  It was a good day;  a nice surprise.

Today I am thankful for the growth that doesn't have me feeling sorry for myself.  I am grateful for the wisdom of others.  I am thankful for those who care.  I pray for my son and all of your sons and daughters, husbands and wives or friends, that they may realize God's will for them and have the courage to follow their dreams.  And I say a prayer for Henry.


Annette said...

Hmmmm, well I must be sicker than you, because I almost like it when I see they feel awkward. Some hidden resentment that their kid is ok and mine is not, probably. Do I dare even admit there?! lol

I just answer what is asked. I say something like, "Oh H has had a rough road. We just keep praying she finds her way." Its not a secret though and if the conversation continues and the subject comes up, I will say there have been some substance abuse issues. I don't go into every gory detail, arrests, dramas, etc. and sometimes I even avoid people from her younger years because I know they will ask and I just don't want to deal with it. Especially the ones with the great families where everything is going great.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Not sicker....just more thought-out.....I had never considered that angle!!ha but I do find sometimes when I just blurt it out others who have been afraid to say anything will just open up about their problems and it seems to help. Thanks for the comments.

Terri said...

I always hope that no one asks about my kids but if the ask specifically about my son I tell them he is an addict. Either they know what that is like because of their own experiences or they don't. Sometimes I share too much information and a get a look of shock or discomfort from a person.

I used to feel a twinge of jealousy toward other parents who have the kids who chose the "traditional" route. I think I have grieved that through to its end.

Thanks for sharing about the book. I need to pick it up.

Bless all of us today.

luluberoo said...

I tell the truth if I'm asked, but avoid the gory details. Really, it was so awful it scares "normal" people.