Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A Little Lost....

I went to the Homeward Bound graduation tonight and was shocked to see that one of the young ladies that had been in our AlAnon class was the daughter of one of the ladies in my AlAnon class.  It was so odd to realize that the young girl who began the class in tears telling us all how hopeless she was is  the daughter we've heard a mom pour her heart out about all of this time.

One of the former inmates spoke who had been convicted of vehicular homicide.  It was a very sad yet uplifting story.  And, an outcome that most parents of addicts have worried about from time to time.  Today  I realize that when I speak to friends with concerns about their own kids, I do so by reacting to my own situation.  That's me in a nutshell...parenting out of fear.

My girls had a long, sobering discussion with me tonight about how my parenting caused them to try to become financially independent, so that they didn't have to live in a dictator-like existence.  They were very kind and careful but felt the need to share how hard it was growing up in our house. 

My son called and the wake of problems from addiction seems to never end.  Days like today make me feel such shame and loss for all of the past.  I thought I had loved so much and yet it wasn't the way I made them feel at all.

I keep praying for our sons and daughters...all of them.  And, I pray for guidance.


Annette said...

We aren't perfect. We are just people and I think we all do the very best we know how to do. Be gentle with yourself. Your girls obviously love you and have the confidence and feel safe enough to be able to come to you and talk, rather than just carrying a resentment around with them. That says a lot.

luluberoo said...

Oh Hattie...my daughter, the over achiever, let me know about all the mistakes I've made--in an email, which was even more hurtful. I put that email in a folder, and even though it was years ago, I still can't open it and look at it. Maybe someday.

Some of the talk is "youth". I was unkind to my mother back in the day when I knew it all.I would not take all of it on. I've looked at our situation every which way, and we did what we did as parents with the most noble intentions. We don't do the situation any good when we beat ourselves up.

Anonymous said...

Coming from a teenager, please know that we don't always mean what we say. Alot of times we fail to point out the good in people and only point out the bad. We can be very blunt and hurtful sometimes. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, yes, but none of us are perfect. You are a wonderful person and deserve to know so!