Last night my son began asking why the Dad and I were so hard on him as a kid. We were hard on him. He was so smart, had ADD and fooled around (so we thought) in school. We were tough...too tough about grades, so much so that he became anxious and nervous. We were stupid and parented from fear. It was not a good mix.
I spent a good part of last night listening to him air his hurts to me and offering apologies, tremendous regret and no real answer other than we were wrong. He then told me how hurt he was when we kicked him out after testing positive for drugs when he refused treatment. I have always been the tough one about that. I have never regretted it. But, God's hand was in it and he gave me the courage and peace to go through with it. I didn't do it alone. It was the hand of God guiding me through.
But, the thing that he said that has haunted me today is when he said with tear filled eyes, " I was hungry Mom, I stole food from Kroger everyday." I hate addiction. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate....It reminds me of the movie, "Sophie's Choice" . Any decision you make leaves some devastation. Will we ever heal? I pray we can. And I say a prayer for Henry, who never did.