Last night my son began asking why the Dad and I were so hard on him as a kid. We were hard on him. He was so smart, had ADD and fooled around (so we thought) in school. We were tough...too tough about grades, so much so that he became anxious and nervous. We were stupid and parented from fear. It was not a good mix.
I spent a good part of last night listening to him air his hurts to me and offering apologies, tremendous regret and no real answer other than we were wrong. He then told me how hurt he was when we kicked him out after testing positive for drugs when he refused treatment. I have always been the tough one about that. I have never regretted it. But, God's hand was in it and he gave me the courage and peace to go through with it. I didn't do it alone. It was the hand of God guiding me through.
But, the thing that he said that has haunted me today is when he said with tear filled eyes, " I was hungry Mom, I stole food from Kroger everyday." I hate addiction. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate....It reminds me of the movie, "Sophie's Choice" . Any decision you make leaves some devastation. Will we ever heal? I pray we can. And I say a prayer for Henry, who never did.
1 comment:
Oh Hattie, I have often compared the times we have asked H to leave in order to protect the younger kids from her addiction drama as making Sophie's Choice. I was quite literally choosing between my kids.
If it makes you feel any better, I was not hard on my kids and one of them still became an addict. I could care less about grades. I spouted out that grades were just an arbitrary symbol of their success in regurgitating some information that had been spoon fed to them. I just wanted everyone to be happy so not much was a big deal if that was happening and they were being nice to each other. Until my daughter started coming home drunk or high. Then things got big real quick!
I really don't think our kids addiction has much to do with us. Its good to clear the air and make ammends and get things right with each other. That is always valuable and restores some of what has been lost.
Post a Comment