Saturday, March 31, 2012

Grumpy Old Woman....

I've been absent for a while.  Hubby is a horse vet and this is the beginning of our busy season.....thanks be to God.  The economy and a tornado a few years back have not been kind to our business. Add Son's slip into our already hectic lives...... a bit like an aftershock, sending us rocking and rolling a bit. 

Luckily, boundaries kicked in at warp speed and his experience with the enforcement of previous boundaries and his level of sobriety and God's grace all helped to curb that storm.

I'm trying so hard to "find" myself.  I keep trying to quit, get fired, retire....maybe like Klinger on Mash, I'll shoot for a section 8?  Any ideas on how to lose your job when you work for the hubby?  Our new girl was just finding her groove when a better offer came along.  Now, I'll be there more than ever. 

The job itself isn't terrible, it's just not "my" thing.  Perhaps it's selfish but I want to do my own thing for once.  I've been mom for 23 yrs and wife for almost 26 yrs.  I've worked for hubby for 18 yrs and been Doc's wife.  I'd just like to figure out who I am while I can still remember! 

I am frustrated with working for some of those privileged clients who stamp their feet wanting what they want, when they want it and threatening   reminding me just how much money they've given to my cause.  It feels like I've sold my soul to the company store. 

I'm frustrated with those who come in hoping to "wow" us with their knowledge.  I like an educated owner who cares for their horses.  A"natural horsemanship" owner came in telling me that she had a book and had figured out what her horses problem was the night before she came in (kept wondering why she came in).   She brought "the book" and ran around the clinic reading sections of it to hubby's assistant and she doesn't get the whole personal bubble thing....  She has her hay analyzed and supplements with all sorts of things she feels are missing.  Purina Feed Mills and their decades of studies have nothing on this person.  I doubt those horses in the wild supplement with sunflower seed and beet pulp.  Seems to me that her natural horsemanship is about as natural as reality TV is real...but that's just me.

I am sick and tired of those women who come in treating me like the help while going overboard being syrupy sweet to hubby.  Do you think that having to put up with watching that  will strike out some of my time in Purgatory?  I think I deserve it, what about you?

Maybe it's burnout.  Maybe I'm not very charitable.  Maybe I should go back to school and get a psychology degree and keep working here.  It would be a magnificent research opportunity.  I know God has a plan for me.  I just can't for the life of me imagine where he's taking me.  And, I'm highly impatient. 

Today I say a prayer of Thanksgiving for progress and not perfection.  I say a prayer for patience and direction.  And I say a prayer for Henry. 

PS Just read "The Camel Knows the Way" by Lorna Kelly  Great book about Lorna Kelly who was the first woman auctioneer at New York's Sotheby's who volunteered in the slums of Calcutta with Mother Teresa.  She is a recovering addict who was brave enough to write about her character defects and an experience and woman who changed the way she looked at her life. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

First off, thanks so much for "Color of Water". I loved it, and now the Dad is reading it. I'll check out Kelly's book.

I know you are feeling stuck..and working in the "family" business leaves few options. You already have outside interests and volunteering so that's not the answer.

I get that restless feeling also. My solution has always been travel. I go somewhere, even if it's a 3 day week end. I have friends and family all over the US (and world) so that has always been my escape. Not practical for you, I know, just saying getting out of my environment helps. Even an afternoon hike away from people resets my brain.

A friend of mine goes off to a pole barn and paints.

I'm trying to say getting away from the family can do wonders..especially since you spend so much time together. BTW, you have a friend in Michigan with a spare room.

I feel for you. Hope you "find" yourself.