Running a Marathon When I Prefer a Sprint.

Recovery is a marathon.  It's a long term goal; it's like ordering slow foods.  I am a fast food girl.  I like using a microwave and having short term goals.  Long term is very hard for this ADD brain to understand.  But, like it or not, it is a long and arduous process. 

It seems that addiction is this whole problem unto itself but then it leaves in it's wake this snowball effect of problems in it's periphery.  I've read that emotional maturity stops at the point that the addict started using.  So, there is all of this lacking maturity. 

Also I've read more and more about that underlying anxiety that all addicts have and how an inability to attach properly to family is a big factor in whether or not that they start using.  There is no quick fix to this problem.  This requires a day in and day out building of trust and safety to those sensitive people who have chosen to deal with life by using. 

Maybe I know just enough to be dangerous.  But, I sure do notice a difference when I practice love without condition.  Love doesn't have enabling listed anywhere in it's definition.  Love says all the hard things and hears all the hard things without pulling away or using judgement.  I sure wish I'd learned all of this long ago. 

I am thankful this Christmas season.  I will have my son home.  But, things aren't perfect.  I think we all have these crazy expectations.  I think that life may just be this long journey of loving and learning.  I've learned a lot in the past year.  I'm sure I have so much more to learn.  While love to learn, this one has been a little painful. 

Sometimes in the thick of things I get so tired and feel as if we have so far to go.  Then sometimes I look back and see how far we've come.  Today I pray for a positive perspective for all of us.  I pray for continued recovery and strength for our journies.  And I say a prayer for Henry.