Thursday, December 22, 2011

Running a Marathon When I Prefer a Sprint.

Recovery is a marathon.  It's a long term goal; it's like ordering slow foods.  I am a fast food girl.  I like using a microwave and having short term goals.  Long term is very hard for this ADD brain to understand.  But, like it or not, it is a long and arduous process. 

It seems that addiction is this whole problem unto itself but then it leaves in it's wake this snowball effect of problems in it's periphery.  I've read that emotional maturity stops at the point that the addict started using.  So, there is all of this lacking maturity. 

Also I've read more and more about that underlying anxiety that all addicts have and how an inability to attach properly to family is a big factor in whether or not that they start using.  There is no quick fix to this problem.  This requires a day in and day out building of trust and safety to those sensitive people who have chosen to deal with life by using. 

Maybe I know just enough to be dangerous.  But, I sure do notice a difference when I practice love without condition.  Love doesn't have enabling listed anywhere in it's definition.  Love says all the hard things and hears all the hard things without pulling away or using judgement.  I sure wish I'd learned all of this long ago. 

I am thankful this Christmas season.  I will have my son home.  But, things aren't perfect.  I think we all have these crazy expectations.  I think that life may just be this long journey of loving and learning.  I've learned a lot in the past year.  I'm sure I have so much more to learn.  While love to learn, this one has been a little painful. 

Sometimes in the thick of things I get so tired and feel as if we have so far to go.  Then sometimes I look back and see how far we've come.  Today I pray for a positive perspective for all of us.  I pray for continued recovery and strength for our journies.  And I say a prayer for Henry.


Terri said...

My son will be home with us for Christmas as well. I found myself trying to plan the time for us all while he is there. I have decided to try not to have expectations at all and just enjoy having my husband and my children and my grandchild with me for a day. I will even try to enjoy my mother and father in law. ;-)
Wish you all the best!

Lou said...

You have articulated the many periphery issues of addiction. There are no easy answers, but support and love are important. I get emails from addicts who tell me they are so grateful for their families. I have learned to be the bad times and the good times. Just as I would hope my family would be there for me if I had a life long disease.

You and your husband have taken the steps to really understand. Real understanding brings real love. Real love leads to real healing. I love your posts.

Enjoy, enjoy this Holiday. I'm so
happy for you to have your family safe and sound under your roof! God bless, friend.

Have Myelin? said...

I really enjoyed this post. Thank you.