Monday, September 26, 2011

Finding Me Day 7

"Where Jesus is there is joy.  Where Jesus is there is love.  Where Jesus is there is peace."  Mother Teresa

I'm on a mission to learn who I am as a person.  I was reading about the "Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius" written by a priest (Jesuit) who started his career as an attorney with the hopes of eventually entering into politics.  He began to feel dissatisfied with his choice and so he got himself a spiritual director.  He asked her to help him figure out if he should become a Jesuit Priest.  This wise director told him that they would put that question aside for a while and she asked him to tell her who God was for him.  He said that it took almost a year to scratch the surface of answering that question.

Knowing God is a way of getting to know his creation (you and me).  If we are quiet long enough(this is particularly challenging for me) we can start to identify things that excite us.  We might start to realize what our real fears are and why we're afraid of them.  We might get in touch with our feelings. 

I bet like me, many of you don't even know what YOU feel anymore.  As mom, we worry about the feelings of others more than our own feelings.  We might have been told by the alcoholic or addict that our feelings were wrong or invalid so much that we begin questioning them ourselves. 

Today in AlAnon we talked about our feelings.  It is so strange to me that a simple word like "feelings" that we think we can easily define, really we can't.  I've had to look it up.  I've had to look at the list of possible types of emotions that represent my feelings.  Feelings aren't right or wrong.  You don't have to let anyone deny you of what you matter what their perception might be. 

It was a very interesting conversation that we had today.  I hope you will join me in exploring what you feel or perceive.  I think it will lead you and me to a better understanding of who God made you to be.  I think I'm gonna start asking my kids to really tell me about what they feel.  I want them to expect to be heard. 

Today, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for understanding the importance of our human emotions.  I pray that we might all become a little more enlightened with each passing day.  And, I say a prayer for Henry.


Lou said...

I feel the need to justify myself all the time. Why? I feel I have to work harder and longer than anyone else to prove myself worthy. Why?

You have hit on something..I was never listened to. My thoughts were unimportant, invalid. Tangible results (such as straight A's)were what I was measured by.

My son's addiction taught me to listen. I still fall short, but I'm much better. The more wounded the inside, the more we need to be heard.

Emotions are something we don't reveal except when we feel very safe. I'm blessed to have a few people who are not embarrassed or put off when I reveal the rawness.

Thanks again for these posts, and the great quotes.

Have Myelin? said...

Yes Lou, the justification game! I had to get "the grades", work harder, whatever.... I'm not an addict but I'm the mother of a deceased alcoholic.

I wish I could spit my life out of a computer and read the analysis so I could figure out where I went wrong.

Or maybe not.