I imagine that when hubby and I uttered that commitment, "for better or for worse.." we never imagined just how bad the bad can actually be. I doubt we imagined that we'd find our first born in the act of using drugs while uttering to his Dad, "I've relapsed and I"m hopeless." I doubt that we could have imagined taking our son to drop him off at a psychiatric hospital for detox. But, we did and we have.
After hubby heard him say that he was hopeless, he asked for my son's phone. He took the phone and said that at that moment, the phone represented all that was wrong (his connection to drugs) and he took the phone and threw it as hard as he could against the brick fireplace. When it continued to stay lit up, he stamped it with only his house shoe on. Those phones are heartier than you might think.
Hubby now has a stress fracture in his heel. He doesn't really recommend acting in a fit of anger. But, he got it all out.
A child facing the long road to recovery definitely fits the "or worse" portion of our marriage vows but you know what........we're better this time around. Now, don't get me wrong, this still isn't a cake walk. But, the first time we found out our son was using, we both panicked separately. Now, we're forming a plan as a team. Before we were angry with our son. Now, we make sure he feels only tough love. Before, we were individuals fighting to keep ourSELVES afloat, now we are a family forming a rescue plan for it's member who is in need of saving, no matter how hard it is to do the hard things necessary to save a loved one from the evils of addiction.
I think we're finally understanding our commitments. Funny, how we behave just like the kids in having to test the rule ourselves just to make sure it is true.
Son is at detox. We went for the only visitation day (yesterday) and began the conversation of how he was gonna have to come up with his own plan after the 30 days. Just 24 hours since intake and my how different he looks. The phrase Clean and Sober....is one that I understand so much more now.
Today, I am thankful for our spiritual growth. I am thankful for another chance. I pray for strength in our journey. I pray for recovery for all of our addicted loved ones and I pray for the soul of Henry.
End note: the I phone still works!! We couldn't believe it. Maybe I'll write to Apple.
2 comments:
Ok as tragic as the rest of your post is, your last sentence about the iphone made me LOL. I could only wish mine was as indestructible! I could cancel my 15.00 a month insurance plan because I will surely drop it and it will surely break.
On to more serious things...I am in the same place you are right now. 2 weeks in. Yes, its amazing we are all still married! I will add "Hattie's Son" to my God box and he will be in my prayers. I think of the feelings of hopelessness and humiliation he must have felt when he said those words to his dad. That stuff still breaks my heart....even though I know its part of them finding their way to their end of all of this.
It takes all so long to learn that we must work on ourselves too. As parents we all go through that "we can fix this" and all we get is heartache and frustration.
Most of the time we can't do anything right, not even break a phone. ;-) Maybe I should send you picture of the hole in my wall on the basement stairs that I hit while living in the world of anger and frustration.
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