Monday, October 1, 2012

Fight, Flight or Freeze

I've been watching these DVD's about trust based parenting featuring Dr. Kayrn Purvis and her partner Dr. John Cross about kids from hard places.  These are little kids.  They are dealing with mostly adopted kids or kids in an orphanage.  But, they are also talking about kids who had problems at birth or a problem pregnancy.  Maybe they are talking about the mom who was stressed during pregnancy.  Or the family raising a child without first dealing with their hard childhood first.

Whatever the case may be, these kids are different.  They are different because they have survived the fear of their life by choosing whatever means of survival they can.  It isn't normal and they don't respond to normal parenting.

Dr. Purvis will say over and over again that the main thing a parent should do is observe their child.  Get to know their body language.  Understand that a behavior is not an indicator of a good or bad child or behavior,  but a child who is choosing one of three coping mechanisms:  flight, fight or freeze. 

The goal is to establish trust with your child.  Not that you are not trust worthy....but the child should be able to FEEL like they can trust you.  More later.

Today I say a prayer for insight and understanding.  I pray for all those who choose flight through drug use.  I pray for the families to gain understanding and have strength to carry on.  And, I pray for the soul of Henry.


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