Today my son left detox at a hospital and entered a residential treatment center. Actually, it is a 12 step immersion program.
It wasn't exactly a warm, fuzzy send off. Addiction, at it's height, seems to take over, making it hard to see the person. Addiction and I are not friends.
I've started to question my own sanity or maybe my lack of empathy. I've had a few folks, kind sweet folks, become tearful at the mention of what we've been doing. They have asked me how hard today must have been.
It was hard. But, not so hard to move my son there. No, for me, more than any other thing I've been doing, trying to remember that I'm dealing with addiction and it is smart and crafty and it mutates every time I make a move, that has been the challenge. You see I missed so much this time after I've supposedly been "in the know" for some time.
Dealing with addiction is a task that wears me down. Putting my son in a place far better equipped to deal with him than his home where I keep going back to treating him like he's still my little boy, that is easy. That is a relief.
The girls at the jail probably did more to help me prepare for today than anything else. They told me what they'd be doing at this stage of the game, reminding me that this is how it will be this early on. They reminded me that detox doesn't automatically make him think like me. It is but the first step; one of many.
Today, I am thankful for this opportunity for my son. I am thankful for so many caring folks. I pray for those affected by the disease of addiction. And, I say a prayer for Henry.
3 comments:
those gals are truely a god send to you......
i'm so sorry you and your family are going through this again...
this must have come totally out of left field.....
just take one day at a time.....
he's young and hopefully will he will be willing to work on his recovery....
please know you are not alone....
i'll keep you in my prayers....
take care of yourself.....
I so relate too everything you are sharing here. Going to rehab used to break my heart and fill me with hope all at once. Now rehab is a wonderful break. She is safe, she is surrounded by recovery and limits and boundaries and good education on living a life of sobriety. The part that is the most hard for me this time, is the more I see of her old self coming through, the more I feel like I am falling in love with her. I know thats a weird term to use with your child.....but, I have worked so hard at detaching, letting go, having firm boundaries in place....the better she gets, the wobblier I feel. I have to readjust everything. My deep mother's love that I have kept buried for so long is rising up and that scares me more than just about anything. Because that leaves ME open to THAT pain all over again and my stamina is running out.
I am so glad that you have your jail girls to lead the way. I love that God is using them and I am thinking of the many blessings that could possibly come from that. For you and especially for them....I think of it occurring to them that is using them to serve another one of His children. I hope they are able to see their worth, their part, and that God loves and uses all of His children as He see's fit. I am praying for your boy. <3
Praying for you and your family.
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