Monday, July 25, 2011

Letting Go.....

One year ago today, I took my son to rehab and dropped him off.  As I drove down the drive, the arched sign said, "Let go and Let God".  One year later and I am still in need of that reminder many days.  It was a scary, surreal, out of body kind of day.  It was a day that changed who I am as a person and who we are as a family. That is not to say it was a bad change.  The problem was there.  The awareness of it hurt.  But, the need to change was great. 

So here we are one year later.  Recovery is a long arduous process.  And, when I speak of recovery, I am   referring to more than just my son.  My family is in recovery.  Last year we went through the shock and chaos of this new knowledge we were acquiring.  This year we work on becoming healthy individually and as a family. 

It is frightening to open your wounds for others to see.  It is humiliating to admit to mistakes.  But, it is all so necessary.  So today I let go again.  I let go of old habits, bad priorities, unimportant time wasters and I focus on each family member and on the family.  I let them each find their own way with love.  I keep my boundaries and I pray like the crazy.

My very best friend in the world is letting go today too.    Her son is leaving for the novitiate to become a Dominican priest.  This is a very different path than my son took, but our journeys are much the same.  You see, every good and perfect gift is from God and on loan.  There comes a point in time when you must, in faith, give back by letting go.

I am sorry for her sadness and fear of this unknown.  But, I expect that she will receive the same amazing graces for this difficult time, that I received during mine.  I know that she worries for him in this first most difficult year.  I know she worries about his brothers and sisters and  her husband. 

Today I am thankful for my best friend.  She has been there for me in so many ways.  I am thankful for her son and his willingness to say yes.  I am thankful that a year has past and that he is clean.  I ask for prayers for her and her family as they face this hard day.  I pray for her son during his first year.  I pray for her family as they adjust to this new way of life.  I pray for all of those who are letting go.  May they have the strength and faith to know that in God's hands it will be as it should.  And, I say a prayer for Henry.


coffeemom said...

Darn, you made me start bawling again. I love you too. I hate this.

Lou said...

Thanks for sharing at my blog. I've read back and gotten most of your story. We have to navigate addiction (and all life altering events) the best we can. Your faith kept you steadfast and caring. I try to bang the drum that many can and do recover. It's something they have to work on. Your son is doing's a process.

I also went in search of myself through the 12 steps of Alanon. Life will never be the same as before addiction, but I'm living the positive things I learned from it..honesty, compassion, patience, unconditional love..

May God's blessing continue to rain down on your family!