Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Metamorphosis sounds better than change.....

Metamorphosis is defined as a complete change in character or appearance.  I wonder if it's painful to go from caterpillar to pupa to butterfly?  I think that going from caterpillar to pupa would be so frightening, but if you made it to butterfly, spreading those wings into flight would not only be a vision of beauty but also amazingly freeing.

My family is changing so much.  It seems like there is just one change after the next with little to no time for breathing.  And, I feel like it is all necessary change.  But, it hurts and is so exhausting. 

If I am honest with myself, I can sit back (as mom) and say, "you've earned this missy".  So many things I didn't want to deal with (like the addict) I now know that I must deal with.  So, I do, but it's hard.  I've put off so much and now I have this avalanche of unfinished business. 

The twelve steps have taught me to take care of myself.  Who knew I could be so much trouble to take care of?  Don't ask my husband....anyway, it's hard to buck the system, fight the man, stand up for yourself, deal with those who don't really like you to start with, but to become a healthy teach my children to be healthy, I must model these hard lessons for them. 

Here is the message I'm going to have painted on my bathroom mirror.....It's all out of YOUR control....give it to God!!!!!  Every single little tiny care is important to God.  What if we always remembered that?  If I really remembered that, I'd probably feel a lot less like a bucket with a hole in it...always needing refilled, never making it to full. 

This post is such a rant.  I'm sorry but today, I just needed to take to the couch and try to sort out these nagging feelings that are overwhelming me.  So, today I say a prayer of Thanksgiving for the freedom to take to my couch and you and God.  I pray for an organized brain that will help me remember the proper channels to use to get to where God needs me to go.  I pray for courage during change.  I pray for wisdom for the journey.  I pray for our loved ones who fight addiction, that they may never let it fool them into thinking it's not the bad guy.  And, I pray for you, Henry.


Allyson said...

I just want to thank you for writing your blog.
I've commented once before but I stumbled upon this six or seven months ago and it has been really a great comfort and encouragement to me.

My ex-boyfriend is an addict and I love him very much and truly want him to find God and be healed. Reading your posts makes me feel less alone and afraid and helps increase my faith.

Thank you so much.
I will keep you, your son and your family in my prayers.

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

Thank you Allyson prayer is what will get us through. Sharing this journey.....organizing my thoughts and worries and writing them down helps give me clarity and be able to engage in prayer with a sense of purpose. I will pray for your loved one too.