Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Coexist



Coexist is defined as the the ability to live at the same time and at the same place; to live in peace with others. 

Lately, one of my greatest challanges has been trying to take all of the ideas I've learned and LIVE them.  But, because I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of girl, I've had a lot of problems balancing this new information.

There are so many good sources of information out there for addicts/alcoholics as well as for the family member.  AA and Al Anon meetings are everywhere. 

Melody Beatty is a great writer on the subject of recovery.  Not only is she a recovering addict, she began counseling those"whiney" family members and in the process began to explain what codependancy looks like in everyday actions.  She began to understand family memebers behaviors while becoming  personally involved in those she counseled.  She became codependent.
She has seen both sides of that coin.  That kind of insight is valuable. 

The twelve step program is  proabably the greatest tool at the addict/alcoholic's disposal.    I began researching the Catholic connection to the twelve step program which  led me to the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.  Then, I look at the "why" of a person's need to medicate.  And, I find at the heart of it all a need for love and a need to belong. 

This is where my ADD mind is struggling.  How do these ideas coexist in my life?  How do I focus on my own life, remain tough regarding my boundaries and still show love?  It is like I am able to be tough when I need to be tough.  I know how to show love,  when I show love, but how do I show love while being tough? 

This is such a balancing act.  My fear of relapse (disguised most of the time as anger) is always just below the surface  waiting to boil over and erupt in an angry less than loving kind of feeling at most any moment. I know this is where I must detach and find my own happiness, but, hopes get raised and having moments without fear are such a gift that the idea of going back down that ugly place just pisses me off.

So, here I am with swirling disorganized, out of control thoughts jumbling around in my brain.  I feel so out of sorts.  This is where I need to slow down and pray for direction.  Today, a prayer of Thanksgiving(always give thanks first) for all of the tools readily available to us.  Then a prayer for clairty and guidance.  And a prayer for your addict and mine and as always for Henry.

1 comment:

PursuingtheSummit said...

I have struggled with this a long time, this balance between boundaries, love and license. I am learning that you love while holding firmly to your boundaries with adults almost the same way with small children: I must simply say no with love in my demeanor and voice, and when that seems like a veiled "yes" to the one intent on testing me, I must consistently and firmly say no and resist them in concrete ways. There's no need to get angry. They are just checking to see if I still mean it, and just like children they must be told and shown again and again. I am learning that maintaining boundaries must always be from a position of offense, not defense. Tough.