There are so many changes going on that I can't seem to catch my breath. My youngest is going to graduate high school soon. My son is anxiously awaiting a new job/apprenticeship with the iron workers union. My house is for sale. I've changed jobs. But, the most profound change is the way that I look at life.
On Friday the 13th (appropriate right?), I will turn 47 years old. And, I feel this since of urgency in "getting it all in". There is so much that I want to do that I don't know where to start. I feel impatient and want it all now!! I can't create any sense of order out of my swirling ideas...
So, I must learn to plan under God's direction. As I study the Spiritual Exercises, I get little nuggets to guide this phase of limbo that is my life. I am learning that planning means looking back at mistakes and confessing them and making penance for them. It means apologizing, if necessary. This takes away distractions so that I can honestly focus and it helps me to learn to avoid future stumbles of the same sort.
Next, I must allow for "quiet time" each day with God both in meditation and prayer. For me, this "talk less/listen more" tactic has been long overdue. When I listen, a lot of useless "self talk" seems to evaporate and I am supplied with the ideas that really need my attention.
I also must look at the parables and imagine myself there and use my senses while doing this. This has been so good because it teaches me in a practical sense how Jesus handled situations. This exercise begins to help you see the parables that are present in your life everyday.
Conquering self is the goal of the Spiritual Exercises so that you live in accordance to God's will. I think conquering self is the most efficacious vaccine available to combat drugs/alcohol and a host of other problems we create when we see things as the world does instead of how God does.
My life has been hard this year. I think I could have easily given up on many occasions. But, God in his goodness has given me the kick that I needed to get up and fight. I am so thankful.
Today, I am thankful for the progress made. I pray for wisdom and guidance for the days ahead. I pray for my son and your loved one to find the fire inside that God has given them. I pray for all those who are just beginning the journey into sobriety....may the hold strong and keep fighting. And I pray for Henry.