Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Run Run Runaway.....

I've been doing a lot of volunteer work at the jail.  It's something that is both wildly rewarding and quite depressing all at the same time. 

I constantly have this inner turmoil about what my motives are.  Do I think that I am all of that and a bag of chips?  Is that why I am here?  Do I think that I can save them? 

Then I swing to the self deprecating "you are in over your head and a big fool to think that you will make any difference."

There are days when I just want to walk away.

Why can't I just learn to play golf or knit?  Why can't I just find a bungalow out there in some beach town and hide out there for a while.  No phones.  No television.  No interruptions.  Just solitude. 

That is my secret desire.  Perhaps that is running away and not a desire.  Or perhaps my desire is to run away.  I'm good at that.  I've been running from the chaos of addiction for most of my life. 

Praying for all of you and hoping to find the center.....again.



Anonymous said...

My son is going to prison as a result of his heroin addiction and I'm finding it gut wrenching trying to deal with this right now. I'm praying that I'm doing the right thing by trying to let go of this and asking for God's strength, hoping my son finds his way out of this, I can't help him any more, he has to do this himself, he's been struggling with it for years an it finally caught up with him. Please pray for him.

Hattie Heaton said...

Praying for you and for him. I've been reading a lot about boundaries as a way to redefine who I am. It seems to help.

Anonymous said...

Thank you

Annette said...

Oh Hattie, I can so relate! I have wanted to run away more lately than at any other time in my entire life! Maybe we can get a cabana to share! But no golfing... lets go mountain climbing instead!