I've been doing a lot of volunteer work at the jail. It's something that is both wildly rewarding and quite depressing all at the same time.
I constantly have this inner turmoil about what my motives are. Do I think that I am all of that and a bag of chips? Is that why I am here? Do I think that I can save them?
Then I swing to the self deprecating "you are in over your head and a big fool to think that you will make any difference."
There are days when I just want to walk away.
Why can't I just learn to play golf or knit? Why can't I just find a bungalow out there in some beach town and hide out there for a while. No phones. No television. No interruptions. Just solitude.
That is my secret desire. Perhaps that is running away and not a desire. Or perhaps my desire is to run away. I'm good at that. I've been running from the chaos of addiction for most of my life.
Praying for all of you and hoping to find the center.....again.