Saturday, February 5, 2011

Snowball.....

Today has been one of those antsy days.   My pre-Al Anon self would have allowed that fear and anxiety to snowball totally out of control.  But today, I look inward.  Why do I feel this way?  What is fueling this fear? 

I look at my life and realize that every little item that contributes to this out of sorts feeling is because of something that I haven't dealt with. When I don't deal with something I dread, I am being slothful.  When I ignore my diabetic diet because I'm upset over what I can't deal with, I am being gluttonous and using food instead of God to help me deal with my problems.

Oh what a tangled web we weave.  My life in the church taught me all about confession but my son's addiction taught me just how practical and necessary it really is.  It helps me to anticipate.  When I don't use the gift of confession as I should, it leads to the place I find myself in today. 

This is my cue to slow down my life.  This is my cue to pray more about my life.  This twinge of fear and anxiety is a little reminder that God is in control.  I need to pray for strength to carry out my tasks and faith to give the rest to God. 

My son's addiction gave me perspective.  I pray that I never lose it.  Today my prayer is for a good examination of conscience, the ability to discern God's will and the faith to carry it out.  And, I pray for the soul of Henry. 

1 comment:

PursuingtheSummit said...

Catherine of Sienna said self-knowledge is the beginning of peace, which is really holiness. I do the introspection you wrote about too, and am now able to recognize the anxiety and ask the questions much sooner. Thanks be to God.

I especially loved that Confession helps you anticipate.