Sunday, February 2, 2014

Ramblings of a Troubled Co Dependent

It's super bowl Sunday and we are expecting our friends and their children in a couple of hours.  It is a low key, no stress kind of entertaining as these friends have been our friends since moving to Tennessee almost twenty years ago and I can say, "this is the food I've planned to make, fill in the blanks...." and it's all good.

The dogs surprise me more and more as time goes by.  Their vocabulary seems to constantly grow.  I mentioned that I was going to go upstairs to the Dad and out of nowhere, they appear, tails wagging ready for an adventure.  They also know breakfast, supper, potty, treat, bone, outside, walk and bath (which sends them into hiding). Come and bad are words that suddenly make them appear deaf.

I often go to the open AA speaker meetings.  It is really enlightening for me to hear their stories.  It helps me to better understand my addicted loved ones.  Their words give me hope. Many times I get a little down when something happens that makes fear rear it's ugly head,  whispering in my ear that things will never change.  But, when I hear the ups and downs in their stories, I can step back and see that "it takes what it takes."  I can see God in their stories over and over again and those stories remind me to get the heck out of the way.

One of the girls from the Homeward Bound program at the jail asked me to help her by giving her a ride to a court date.  I am so hesitant about getting involved.  I have this tendency to know just how to solve the worlds problems go a little overboard to the point that I forget about my own life.  I didn't know whether or not to respond to her text so I began to pray about it by asking God if this need to help was really a product of my pride or if He was really calling me to help her.  It didn't take long until the loud and clear thought that entered my mind was reminding me that her mother had died while she was in jail and her Dad is in Hospice care as we speak.  This twenty-two year old literally has nobody. 

I felt OK about my decision but I have to say that I am concerned that I will go too far.  She kept offering to give me $20.00 to take her.  She has never gone to meetings.  I always try to encourage her to give them a try.  So I said, "if you will go to 6 AA meetings, we can call it even."  She said, "if you will take me, I will go."  Now I am thinking....no screaming, in my head, you are going too far....you are trying to control......  I was sick about it.  I prayed, "Father, I don't know if this is me and my pride trying to fix this or me trying to follow your will....show me what to do." 

We went to the meeting and I must admit that she was not exactly a girl who knew how to pay attention and respect when another is talking and she lacked a few of the "softer skills" so I was nervous.  I thought if this goes bad, there is no one to blame but you.  But, it was really good.  She was so afraid to try it and she was able to see that it was actually good.  I am hoping that she can make some good connections and the program will take over in the miraculous way that it does of bringing in the broken helping them on their journey of self discovery, understanding and healing only to send them out to serve others.

Maybe you can all help me to be accountable by reminding me to  stay out of her way.  Looking forward to winter's end, my friends.  Feeling hopeful and remembering you in prayer.

 

4 comments:

Summer said...

I love how you thought to ask God before you made your decision to help this young girl. I, often, think I am guilty of not asking for His guidance nearly enough. Your post is an excellent reminder, thank you.

Terri said...

Lordy, are we twin sisters separated at birth? Listen to your gut. If it says, "should I be doing this?" then the answer is probably "no". At least in my case. Take care.

Annette said...

Oh Hattie, I think the co-dependent quandary we often find ourselves in can be dangerous territory but for different reasons than you are probably expecting me to say. Let me preface this with....YES, *we* need to be careful, pray, and test things out because we do most certainly jump in and do too much and rob people of their learning opportunities by doing everything to make sure they are not being forced to suffer any discomfort....BUT, I don't ever want to get to a place in my life where I am guarding my co-dependent tendencies so thoroughly that I would get in the way of what hold the potential to be beautiful human connections. I am glad you took her to court. I am glad you took her to the meeting....maybe YOU were God's provision in her life. After a meeting or two....maybe find somewhere where an Alanon meeting and an AA meeting are going in simultaneously in different rooms in the same building and she can go to her meeting and you can go to yours. You can meet up afterward. Also you are her ride....tell her you will run errands while she goes into the meeting and be back to get her later. Only you know if these suggestions are appropriate or not. You know the *feel* of the situation. But bless your heart for loving that young girl who is lost and has no one else. Bless your heart big time.

Hattie Heaton said...

Summer, I don't often think to ask God first, either. If I am truly allowing God to restore my life to sanity then I have to go to him before I step in a colossal pile of crap....
Terri, you are correct about gut feelings. I had stopped listening to those out of fear but this was a "fuzzy" gut feeling. Annette, you to get that we tend to swing from one extreme to the other and that was what I was feeling. Progress not perfection I guess. And, If I goof God can turn it to good one way or another. My job is to keep my intentions pure......still working on that one! Thanks for the input guys!