Monday, February 10, 2014

Looking Back on the Past

I just printed off all of the blog posts that I have written since the beginning.  Two hundred forty-four, single spaced pages.  Sometimes I don't like going back to read because it's so hard.  Sometimes I do because I am able to see some progress.  I'm going to go have it collated.  Here is the proof....proof of a long fought battle for quiet acceptance, proof that our awareness was awakened and continues to grow, proof that in a empty space that mainly housed only me and my fears, now resides a  space full of love of God and his will, with me close by allowing him to show me the way to myself. I wonder if any of you guys have ever done the same? 

A new session has begun at the jail.  I met the ladies for the first time on Thursday.  I am only offering a creative writing workshop this time.  I am relieved that I am not facilitating a class that I do not feel qualified to teach.  I guess some could argue that I am not qualified to lead a writing workshop but my goal is mainly encouraging them to look in and question and effectively communicate with themselves and others. 

I watched a great segment on writing obituaries on Saturday.  I must admit that I love reading them.  There has to be some really great stories tucked in those interesting snapshots of a life.  I learned that in Great Britain, their obituaries aren't always flattering.  I've included one of my favorites to give you a "happy" for today. 

Yesterday I got to spend the entire day alone.  To many, that may sound lonely but to me, it is a necessary part of my sanity.  I need quiet to allow myself to look in and be present with my feelings.  Then, I am able to understand them, deal with them and let them go.  I'll probably turn into the odd little blue haired lady who kids are afraid of before it's over.  Oh well.

I'm beginning to day dream about warm coastal breezes.  I fantasize about winning the lottery and packing only an overnight bag and checking flights not for price but warmth, buying a one way flight and staying as long as I feel like it, shopping for the proper clothes when I get there, eating delicious food and taking a huge stake of books.  Can you imagine? 

The son seems to be making progress, lately.  He has a girlfriend who seems very nice.  He is paying bills on his own.  He is visiting family, hanging out with us, talking on the phone with friends while staying in the same room where we are ( I know that a lot of you get how big that is), trying to quit smoking and making future plans. 

Big Sister is working as a vet assistant until the fall when graduate school begins.  She is paying her own way which was a little shocking to her at first but I'm really proud of the job she is doing.  She is even replacing the tires on her car this week.  That is a big financial burden off our plate.  I'm really proud of her.

Little Sister is quite excited about nursing school.  I purchased hot dogs at the grocery store so that she could practice IP shots!!  It's so funny to look at these kids that I remember so vividly as the little characters now enter adulthood taking on grown up responsibilities.  It's been great finally letting them go.  They are so much more than I could ever force them to be.......

This reason we are all here is the darndest thing, isn't it?  It almost broke us and yet, it has changed things in the most wonderful ways.  I guess that is what I will look for when I read about the past. 

Praying for Henry, my family and yours. 



Birdie said...

I am new to this blog so I do not know your story. I can say that your lines about an empty space that mainly housed you and your fears now resides a space full of God and his will for you.

SO far, I guess I have not done the same. I thought I had but I guess not. The God I let in was an angry god that would send me to hell if I did not serve him.

It is only lately that I am really coming to terms how powerless I am over this disease, how unmanageable my life has become. I come to a place of seeking God out of total desperation. I have tried to do it on my own and it has not worked, not by a long shot.
Anyway, thank you for your words.

Annette said...

Oh I love this post. So hopeful and filled with simple joys. I am so happy to hear about your kids and how each individually and INDEPENDENTLY they are finding their own way and creating their lives. That is a beautiful thing to watch....I have had moments. lol
I had my blog from 2007-2012 all bound into a book. Its beautiful. I love it (even though there were some very dark times during those years) and I showed everyone where it was so if the house caught on fire, they could grab it. LOL
If I won the lottery I would want to pay off my house and keep living right where I am. I would buy a brand new hybrid car too. This way I wouldn't have to move my shelves and shelves of books.....I just read them in my favorite reading chair that overlooks the woods behind my house. lol Simple wishes.
You sound so at peace....I am so happy for you.

Hattie Heaton said...

Thanks guys. Today is a peaceful one. I'll take it!