Friday, February 15, 2013

Wounded Souls

When I went to the jail on Wednesday, one of the correctional officers came in the room to scold the ladies for trying to take a pen into the "pod area."  The ladies in this program have homework and the Homeward Bound coordinator had given them pens to use.  The rule, for them, was unclear.  This officer was clearly strutting his power in front of me. 

This show of power rattled them so much that we started our meeting talking about that.  I challenged them to pray for him for one week.  You might wonder if I think that prayer will change him in one week and the answer is, I don't know.  Perhaps, that week of prayer for my enemy will change me.   Maybe I will be able to see that he too is a victim.  Maybe I will simply recognize that I need the serenity to accept this thing as it is. 

The ladies ran the meeting this week.  They had chosen a leader who is a small very intelligent little gal who appears to be about 6-7 months pregnant.  She and her husband are both addicts.  She asked me so many questions about whether or not I would bail my son out if he went to jail.

My answer was no.  I told her that each parent had decide for themselves what their boundaries were.  She felt that her mother no longer loved her because of her decision.  She broke down while talking about it.  I told her that love sometimes looked harsh.  I told her that I loved my son enough to leave him in jail because it was the one thing that might keep him from using again.  I told her I didn't like it.  It made me uncomfortable and that if he chose recovery I would be there always every time to support him.  She could not believe that I wouldn't give him one more chance.  But, I will.  I will give him as many chances at recovery as he needs.  I just won't give him more chances to hurt himself.  In other words he has a choice.

One thing is clear in this classroom.  These ladies have been hurt and were looking for love in all the wrong places.  Another young lady has long outbursts of the giggles.  They are usually at an inappropriate time.  In the beginning it irritated me, but I ignored her.  Then I would ask if she was laughing at a teasing way.  But, her recurring statement throughout the meeting was that her mom died when she was very young.

This meeting haunted me a little.  I dreamed about it the night after.  I'm not really sure why.  I am praying for the vision to learn what lesson I have to learn in all of this.  One thing is clear.  We are all wounded.  Maybe we are wounded from some terrible life event.  Maybe we are wounded because our families don't know how to show our loved ones just how much we love them in the midst of our fears.

Today I say a prayer for a clear vision for how to put on love.  I pray for the correctional officer, each lady there, their families, our families and Henry.

1 comment:

Annette said...

Oh Hattie, God has you exactly where He wants you, needs you. What you are giving to those girls is life giving information. And I know they are teaching you so very much also. Bless your heart. Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated. I read the Novena of knots? Is that what that is called....Prayer of knots? lol I am not Catholic...but I think we share a faith in the same God. We are all wounded and I think when we can see that it is the great leveler... we are all just trying to find our way and some of us really get lost along the way.