Tomorrow, I will go to mass and visit with our Lord in adoration before going to confession. I will do this in preparation and gratitude before Holy week begins. I love the catholic church. I love the rhythms and sights and smells of it. I love the traditions which give me pause...to imagine Christ here, physically and how that must have been.
And, while I love everything Catholic, in my mind, I still sing a hymn that my very Baptist grandmother would sing around the house...."I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene, and wonder how he could love me a sinner condemned, unclean. How marvelous how wonderful and my song shall ever be, how marvelous how wonderful is my saviour's love for me."
Sunday is palm Sunday. The beginning of holy week. And, my son just came and told me that Sunday, he'd like to join me when I go to a horse show. He asked when I would like to go and I said, "after mass." "I'll go with you to mass too," he said. "That will be nice," I say....but my heart shouts...How marvelous....How wonderful is my Saviour's love for me.
I was in the desert a lot last year. I am fairly certain that it was in direct proportion to my need to be there. And, just a few days ago I was grieving lost opportunities(see previous post) that I had given up because my priorities had been misplaced. I felt utterly heartsick because I didn't think I could rectify the damage I'd done.
I couldn't. God can. I do not know what happened. I don't know how it happened. But, last week, I decided that all I could do, from here on out, was let my actions tell my son that I trusted who God created him to be. It was pretty much just a mental decision that I had made. I can't recall doing anything as a result of that decision, but..... he changed. I can't describe it... he just changed. And just as holy week begins again as it did so long ago, in my heart, I believe that IT is beginning for my son.
You see for a long time now, well before I knew what my son's problem actually was, my prayer was, "please help return my son to you, first, Father and then to me." This week, my son has helped me without being asked. He has been responsible. He is thinking ahead. He is calm and quiet. He has talked to me about his addiction/recovery. He hasn't asked for anything. He is pulling himself up. And, he is doing it by himself because God created this boy of mine for something great. Maybe it is something that will bring him fame or wealth or maybe he will help those who are the "least of these." But, it will be great in the eyes of God and that's all that matters.
Today, I have prayers of thanksgiving for the miracles that mark the beginning of my holy week. I pray for continued growth for my son and for your children. I pray for continued faith. I pray for our eyes to be always trained to search for the hand of God in our everyday. And I pray for Henry.