Sunday, January 5, 2014

Pray For Me

The first thing that our new Pope said after being elected was a request for the people to pray for him.  Prayer is so important.  In the beginning of this madness, I wanted to fix the world for my son, then I wanted to fix him.  I met a priest that told me about how he lived in bars prior to going into the priesthood.  One day his brother asked their mother why she didn't go into the bars and drag him out and let him have it.  She told her son that she had a much better chance of fighting for his brother on her knees than she ever would going after him in the bars.

It was a bigger lesson than I could ever imagine back then.  I began praying by telling God what to do.  Later I learned a lot about myself by paying attention to what and how I prayed.  I began to change my prayer from little requests like help him to do this or that to simply heal him.  I began to understand that all these things that I deemed normal were not necessarily things that would mean healing for my boy.  I started to see and accept that I didn't know what it would take to heal my son. 

Now I am realizing that I need to pray for myself.  I need to be healed.  I need to know how to be a mother who loves unconditionally in the midst of addiction.  I need to love without judgment.  I need to pray for continued awareness.  I need to pray without ceasing. 

Things are different now.  I don't really know if they are good or bad.  I don't know if my son is using or not.  I don't know if he's better or found a new way to manipulate.  And, I just don't know how to stop trying to manage him.  So, I ask for your prayers.  I realize that I am still not minding my own business.  Boy am I a slow learner. 

It's really strange weather here tonight.  It is supposed to drop 50 degrees overnight.  The wind is blowing up to 30 mph.  I've missed reading all of your blogs.  I've been tied up at work but should hopefully get back to a normal schedule.  I also cut my pinkie on a can of pumpkin and had to get six stitches on Christmas eve!  Luckily my best friend is married to an orthopod and so he stitched me up.  It is unbelievable how much you need your pinkie.  Typing has been a nightmare.

Well, our tree is down.  We put it out by the curb for the city to pick up and it has blown all over the place since the wind has picked up.  Hopefully we will get back to some version of normal.  The days get favorite time of the year is on it's way.  Praying for us all.



Anonymous said...

I love what the mom said about having a better chance of fighting on her knees than going after her son in the bars. It's a really difficult and painful lesson that I, too, am still learning but I see so much more progress when I stay out of the way and let God handle my son than when I try to take over. I don't have a clue how to manage addiction so why I think I can manage my son's is beyond me. I

There are so many times my son should have been arrested, should have died of an overdose, should have hurt someone else in one of his many car accidents, etc. It's baffling to me, all of it, but I know God has a plan for all of our kids. I try to remember that when I feel the urge to "take over". I could never protect my son the way God has. He is with your boy and he is with you. I am praying for you, Hattie, and I'm praying for your son, too.

Annette said...

I read the daily reader called Jesus Calling and today's page was about total dependence on God. A journey of accepting His will. She went on to say, "this is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures." Followed by growth spurts. It's so hard to let feels like blind faith, which I guess it is! I am praying Hattie, for all of us.

Anonymous said...

Please don't be to hard on yourself...most; if not all poas' are slow learners. I probably the slowest learner, I've been on this long and windy road for close to 18+ yrs, Just do your are on my prayer list.
btw my favorite time of the year is also coming up...Lent.

Hattie Heaton said...

Thanks everyone. Each one of you gave me something to think It is so strange how quickly I can go back to focusing on him.... Annette I really like the several failures followed by a growth spurt.. Its good to feel like that is normal