The first thing that our new Pope said after being elected was a request for the people to pray for him. Prayer is so important. In the beginning of this madness, I wanted to fix the world for my son, then I wanted to fix him. I met a priest that told me about how he lived in bars prior to going into the priesthood. One day his brother asked their mother why she didn't go into the bars and drag him out and let him have it. She told her son that she had a much better chance of fighting for his brother on her knees than she ever would going after him in the bars.
It was a bigger lesson than I could ever imagine back then. I began praying by telling God what to do. Later I learned a lot about myself by paying attention to what and how I prayed. I began to change my prayer from little requests like help him to do this or that to simply heal him. I began to understand that all these things that I deemed normal were not necessarily things that would mean healing for my boy. I started to see and accept that I didn't know what it would take to heal my son.
Now I am realizing that I need to pray for myself. I need to be healed. I need to know how to be a mother who loves unconditionally in the midst of addiction. I need to love without judgment. I need to pray for continued awareness. I need to pray without ceasing.
Things are different now. I don't really know if they are good or bad. I don't know if my son is using or not. I don't know if he's better or found a new way to manipulate. And, I just don't know how to stop trying to manage him. So, I ask for your prayers. I realize that I am still not minding my own business. Boy am I a slow learner.
It's really strange weather here tonight. It is supposed to drop 50 degrees overnight. The wind is blowing up to 30 mph. I've missed reading all of your blogs. I've been tied up at work but should hopefully get back to a normal schedule. I also cut my pinkie on a can of pumpkin and had to get six stitches on Christmas eve! Luckily my best friend is married to an orthopod and so he stitched me up. It is unbelievable how much you need your pinkie. Typing has been a nightmare.
Well, our tree is down. We put it out by the curb for the city to pick up and it has blown all over the place since the wind has picked up. Hopefully we will get back to some version of normal. The days get longer.....my favorite time of the year is on it's way. Praying for us all.