Trapped.
That is how I felt. For the last eight weeks, I have had to fill in at my husband's office. It is a forty-four hour work week, unless I don't finish the jobs that I normally do when we have another employee in the office or an emergency comes in. Then it could easily stretch to a fifty hour work week.
Endlessly the phone rings to schedule appointments, ask for advice, give updates on their horses health or sometimes to complain about a bill. Clients come in to pick up medications and love to talk without realizing that there is still lab work to get ready for pick up or shipments to unpack because someone is waiting on a medication. I used to handle the stress far better.
My husband and I have been doing this for over twenty years and I am weary from it. It is his passion, not mine. But, it is our bread and butter. I am grateful. I'm just very tired and very burned out.
I had to take over at the office one week before I went to New Jersey to pitch a book that I have been working on for quite some time. At first, I panicked. Then I realized that I had given this outcome to God and so whatever was supposed to happen would.
In the midst of this heavy workload, my son decided to seek sobriety. He decided. There is such gratitude and a lot of trepidation.
Be careful.
Don't expect.
Just be.
Breathe.
Then, I realize that for a few weeks, all three adult children will live with us. There is more laundry. There is less food. The house is a big mess. I find myself tensing up.
On a Tuesday evening, after a nine hour day at work, cooking supper and running a load of clothes, I wanted nothing more than to put on my jammies and fall asleep on the couch to some mindless television program.
But, I have the key to the church where our Al-Anon meeting is held. I knew that the others who have keys would not be there that night. I'd like to say that I knew that I needed a meeting, but I was too tired to care. I felt obligated. So, gripping and complaining, I went.
The chairperson for the evening's meeting said that I had 'voluntold' her to chair the meeting. I think that is how I got my service position. It was either that or I didn't show up and so I was nominated and voted in. I'm glad that she chaired because she did a marvelous job and it was just the meeting that I needed.
Her topic was on the slogans. She took all of the slogans that she could find from our conference approved literature (CAL), typed them up,cut them into strips, folded and put in a basket. She asked for us each take a turn to choose a strip, look in the index of our book and find a reading on that topic and then read the reading and tell the group, how that topic applied to our day.
As always, there are no mistakes. God always seems to choose just what we need. I think he told me to 'shut up and listen, dad gummit.' No, he told me to 'listen and learn.' Boy, oh boy is that exactly what I need.
I kept my slip of paper. I am using it as a book mark.
I'm glad I spent those eight weeks at the clinic. I was able to clean up a lot of things that needed dealing with. I was able to find a smart young girl who is happy to work there.
My son decided to get sober, dealt with some things he needed to deal with and has chosen sober living. He chose.
My daughters and I have spent some time talking through some hard things that needed dealing with.
My husband and I are working through things we've needed to deal with for a long time.
Before, I would have felt very sorry for myself. I still did at first.
But, then I decided to 'listen'--what am I being told to look at, in this situation? And, 'learn' --how am I to respond in a way that I am being led?
Like those who suffer from addictions, I too, don't really like to deal with things. I'm learning. It is hopeful. My HP does a pretty good job, if I will let Him.
I'm grateful to have my time at home again. Lucy, my doxie is too. We take our walks each morning. She is careful to sniff and see who has been on "her walk". She tells the big dogs in the neighborhood to, "Back off" when they bark at us. And we are both grateful for our time of prayer and meditation. Her snoring is somehow soothing as I pray.
I may have been gone, but, I did not stop praying for Henry, mine and yours.
